"Simone, Let's Talk About Your Big 'But'"

(special thanks to Tim Burton's Pee Wee's Big Adventure for the swell quote used for the title)
Our friend that got himself "glued" to the toilet seat at Home Depot may have made this claim before. Apparently the same thing happened to him at Nederland, CO's visitor center last year. I don't know what is harder to believe--that he got himself glued to a toilet seat twice, or that Nederland, CO has a visitor's center. Maybe what we are dealing with here is superhuman. He may not realize it, but his body may secrete gluey substances...from his ass. It's like Bruce Willis in "Unbreakable," when he begins to realize he has superhuman powers. When this happens, we just need to accept it, and not fight it and assume that the world, or Home Depot associates or shoppers, are sabatoging our lives.

There has to be some advantage to secreting glue from your arse...