For that nagging crotch rot...

Try Boudreaux's Butt Paste. It is available at Target and other fine stores. Unfortunately, their site (besides the main page) is down due to Katrina. They are located in Louisiana, you see. It works good on my dry elbows and knees too. They suggest it for pretty much any skin ailment you might have. Even Shaq and Britney jumped on its bandwagon.

The fine line of Butt Paste products

-One Butt Paste thing to note is if you haven't touched the tube in a while, you will be surprised by a clear grease on the first squeeze, so massage the tube like your mother's calves to mix it well.

Also, for that not-so-swell feeling downstairs is the amusing Anti-Monkey Butt Powder. I myself have not tried this one, but (heh heh) how can you deny it???!

The Anti-Monkey Butt Mobile?

Even if you don't experience these choadal region ailments, they make fine Christmas presents, gag gift or not. AMB is especially recommended for "motorcyclists, horseback riders, bicyclists, runners, and truck drivers," so keep that in mind.

Oh...this is a real neat-o crotch rot story.